Facts:

1. Ron Paul only became known after Coast to Coast AM discovered the secret link to "Area 51 Voters for Ron Paul."
2. There is no record of Ron Paul's birth in any state.
3. A thorough search of the Internet reveals not a single piece of Ron Paul information prior to January 2007.
4. Any attempt to shake Ron Paul's hand is like a bad Chris Angel trick. One physically can't grip it.
5. Ron Paul had a small cameo role in "Plan 9 from Outer Space" except that it wasn't a cameo at all!

I hope this clears things up.

Tags: 2008 election, comedy, ron paul, satire, twitter
Current Location: my office
Current Mood: nervous
Current Music: Sammy Johns singing Chevy Van

Are you planning your own surprise party for "Bill Nye the Science Guy?"  I'd like to attend but I'm already going to a party for Rapper "Twista" who turns 35 today, unless someone busted a cap in his ass yesterday and we don't know about it yet.  I've heard from an unreliable source that Bill likes cake and highly dense elements. I prefer Osmium but Bill might like a whole meteorite so he can chose his own metal.

Twista, on the other hand, is easy to shop for. I've heard from an unreliable source that he likes Bling... "but don't quote me on that."

-gj (that's me)

P.S. I had to update this and fix something because I a crappy proff reader of my own 'blogs.
 

Tags: bill, comedy, humor, meteorite, nye, osmium, science
Current Location: The Lab
Current Mood: nerdy
Current Music: Lori McKenna

Don't tell anyone but I have two FiOS accounts at the same location.  I know this is not possible but it is true.  Here's the story.  I live in a town that was previously dominated by GTE Americast, and something I can't remember before that.  Most houses pre-1995 had a double cable system (a+ b.)  That means that there were two coax cables at every outlet.  Then GTE Americast spent a fortune bringing what everyone thought was fiber to the street. (Little green plastic boxes on front lawns.)  Sometimes they were even disguised as a fake boulder. (Rock on!)

Adelphia then came to town and took over GTE Americast video operations.  We had a lot of channels and pretty good cable modems.  (Speeds up to 6 MB down.)  Oh, those wacky Rigas brothers!  Then TimeWarner took over Adelphia.

While all this was going on, I noticed unmarked vehicles dredging up my town once again and laying what appeared to be "real fiber optic cable."  I have no idea what GTE Americast stuck in the ground when they dredged it up in 1996/97 and called "fiber."  Then, about a year ago, I saw additional smaller unmarked vehicles setting up little tables on street corners and making couplers and connectors.  I had heard about FiOS in other markets and thought, perhaps this will be FiOS for me!

I asked a lot of questions and got few answers.  Then I asked them again in Spanish and found out that it was indeed Verizon FiOS, “coming soon.“  I started calling Verizon and asking, when can I have it... when can I have it?  I was told to be patient and wait.  But I wanted to be the first one on my block with FiOS.  

Persistence paid off because I was the first to get FiOS Data in my town and I've had it for over a year.  They did an excellent installation.  FiOS goes fiber from the street to the side of my house (crib.)  Then, through the garage wall, (sealed with putty) to the ONT mounted on the wall inside my garage.  They also mount a battery backup unit (BBU) and a MUU (mystery unknown unit.)  From that point they either run coax using MoCA, or CAT5 into the house to their multimedia router.

I have business class service with 5 static IP addresses.  It has had 100 percent uptime for me, so far.  But because I have a static IP address(s) and Encore Video Services from FiOS requires a dynamic IP connection, I couldn't get the FiOS TV.  That was only a problem until I married the regional manager’s ugly daughter.  I then got a second Optical Network Terminal (ONT) and a dynamic connection so I could get FiOS TV.

The picture is great and the “On Demand” stuff is fun. Oh, and those “wacky widgets! “ Verizon supplies a Motorola HD DVR but I prefer my HD Sony DVR with a cable card.  They offer a "Home Media Option" which lets you use their supplied DVR to stream to other Set Top Boxes in the house, which my kids love.

Oh, and about having to marry the Manager's ugly daughter... I made that up for pure comedic purposes only... besides, even though she's ugly, she's really good in bed J

-gj (a computer pro)

Tags: adelphia, comedy, fiber, fios, humor, optic, technology, time-warner, verizon
Current Location: A Computer Pro Labs
Current Mood: nerdy
Current Music: Leo Laporte - Chocolate Rain

I just took 15 ml. of Motrin IB.  Not because I ate or especially drank too much last night... but because I have teenagers. Now that's a stinking 'blog entry for ya!

Tags: blog, blogging, drinking, humor, teenagers
Current Location: In the kitchen.
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Taxi, by Harry Chapin

REDMOND, WA Nov. 20 /ACPNewswire/ --  In a not so surprising statement, Microsoft (MSFT) www.microsoft.com announced earlier today that they hate you.  They especially hate you if you own an Apple product of any kind, and they really really so so hate you if you run Linux or use Google.

"We hate you!" said a Microsoft representative not willing to provide his name. "We have always hated you and we will continue to hate you forever."

We here at ACPNewswire tried to contact officials at Microsoft for comment, but were told, "We hate you!" and were then rudely hung up on.

We will continue to try and get more information on this developing story and 'blog it as soon as we can. We have been having problems publishing information regarding this news event, ever since we ditched our Mac and started using a PC.

-gj (author)

Tags: acomputerpro, blog, gj, mac, microsoft, news, pc, windows
Current Location: The ACP NewsRoom
Current Mood: weird
Current Music: Linn Brown

As I sit here preparing to leave for the day, keep in mind that if you don't have XM Radio, you're missing Tom Petty's Strawberry
Treasure on XMX-2 all day long.  Of course, I'm really listening to the top secret XM Channel 51 "The Music Lab" and they're playing "Snow" from "Spock's Beard."  I can still remember when I was a young lad, sitting on Spock's lap, and the snow used to fall off his beard on to my small little head and I thought, Mr. Spock is a coke whore.  Live long and prosper.

-gj

http://www.google.com/musics?lid=EH1Ae7Lx33P&aid=wGrRZt8RkUB&sid=X-3z44c6zIF&sa=X&oi=music&ct=image

Tags: blogging, blogs, comedy, humor, music
Current Location: On the road...
Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: Shannon by Henry Gross

Dear Live Journal,

Today I watched Justine's latest video on her 'blog. I must be stupid because I don't understand it. Are there Cliff notes available? I mean, she's hot and all that, but I just don't understand what is going on. Am I too old to get the joke? Is the joke on me? One time, long ago, I started a joke, that started the whole world laughing. Why are my pants all wet?

Tags: blog, blogging, comedy, humor, ijustine, joke, justine
Current Location: In front of my computer
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: Bee Gees

...now I seem to be collecting 'blogs.   I'm watching Good Day Utah right now and having my coffee.  That's odd.  Not really.  Really.

-gj

Tags: blog, blogging, blogs, comedy, computers, funny, humor, lifecasting, tech, technology
Current Location: So. CA
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Prog Rock!